mememich's Xanga

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 13:23:57 GMT

So today for me its a sad day. No matter how great things are right now in my life, I can't help but shed tears today. One year ago today, I came out of my oceanography class and had 4 missed calls from my mom... and a voice mail that said in a shaky voice "nena, call me back".. I knew it had to be realeted with my grandpa, since he had a stroke two days before that... but I never expected it to be that bad. I called her back scared of what she was going to say... and so she did tell me the worst thing. " nena, I need you to come home.... Grandpa just died". Honestly, I can't remember her following words... I only remember me saying no... feeling like the world stopped, like I was lost. like this could just not be true. The following days where filled with the saddest and most awful memories I've had yet. I will never forget my brother's words, my dad's face when he got to Venezuela, etc etc. I won't dwell on this because there is little to say. He is gone and gone for ever. Yet his memory is with me everyday. I remember him every day no matter what I do. Most days with happiness... and remembering the good things he had. Other days with tears, wishing he was here. Today I wrotte a letter to my dad. It's in spanish, but I will put it here as well. If any of my non-spanish readers read this... well let me know if you want to know what it says... I'll writte it for you in english. Anyways nobody ever reads this except Jessi... so it doesn't matter much. Thank you Jessi for reading and leaving comments... You are the only one that keeps me coming back... if it wasn't because I know that you'll read it and post... I would not do this any longer.
So, here it is.... I hope you all understand that my grandfather was one of the people i loved the most in this world.. and that I will forever miss him. Love you grandpa.... yesterday, today and forever. miss you...

This is the email I sent my dad.....

Hola Papi:

Bueno, se que hoy no es el mejor día para escribirte, pues se que no debes estar de el mejor animo. Sin embargo, te escribo porque se que en este día, siento que le debemos algo a uno de los seres mas especiales que conoceremos en toda la vida; El Nonno. Hoy hace un ano, recibimos las peores noticias en nuestras vidas. Para mi, la llamada de mama y escucharla decir “nena, necesito que te vengas a la casa, porque murió el Nonno” fueron las peores palabras que he podido escuchar de la boca de mama. Ni el insulto más horrible me ha hecho tanto daño como esas palabras. Tantas cosas me pasaron por la mente en ese momento. Tantas ganas de volver atrás, y de pedirle a Dios solo un segundo más antes de que la realidad me pegara en la cabeza. Un segundo para ver al Nonno, para llamarlo de nuevo, para escucharlo reír, hablar Italiano, cantar, o simplemente verlo darle comida a los patos en el jardín de la casa. Un segundo para darle un fuerte abrazo y decirle a gritos que lo amo. Pero fue un segundo que no me regalo nadie. Fue un segundo que pedí demasiado tarde. Se que a ti también te hace falta ese segundo. Se que tu papi mas que nadie, has cargado con un vacío en el corazón desde el día que murió el Nonno. Y se que no hay palabras que yo diga que te llenen ese vacío ni hoy ni nunca. Se que no hay nada que yo haga o deje de hacer, que te ayude a dejar de recordarlo con los ojitos aguados. Pero papa, si hay algo que SIEMPRE recordare del Nonno, era esa frase que decía siempre con respecto a la Nonna “ la gente no se muere realmente sino en el momento que dejamos de recordarlos”. Y es por esa razón que te escribo este email. Porque desde hoy hace un ano, no he dejado de recordar al Nonno. NO he dejado de recordar esa frase que decía que para mi lo ha mantenido vivo. Aun cuando ha pasado un ano, puedo escucharlo reír en mi cabeza. Puedo recordar verlo cocinando hace mucho tiempo en la cocina de su casa. La alegría de ir a la colonia Tovar con nosotros. Comprar el pan y la fruta. Como decía “hooola” cuando llegábamos a verlo y se reía. Son memorias que me hacen un nudo en la garganta de pensar que no voy a poder tenerlas otra vez, y que me traen lagrimas a los ojos de pensar que el vacío es para siempre. Que desde hace un ano y en adelante, el Nonno no estará aquí. Pero pues quiero estar aquí para ti… quiero que sepas que tu no estas solo recordando al Nonno, en extrañarlo cada día que pasa. Puede que yo no hable mucho de eso, y que nunca diga que lo extraño… Pero aun cuando no lo llame suficiente, y no le dije suficiente lo mucho que lo quería…. Pues lo extraño cada día mas, y me doy cuenta de lo grandioso que era y de la falta que me hará siempre… Le preguntare siempre a Dios porque el, porque en ese momento… porque no dejarlo mas tiempo con nosotros. Siempre soné con el Nonno estando en mi boda, tu y el…. Bailando el waltz con uno y el otro. Se que suena estupido, pero siempre pensé que el Nonno llegaría a ver ese día. Siempre pensé que si vendría a mi graduación de la universidad porque se perdió la de mi bachillerato. Pero la vida no siempre sigue el camino que uno desea, sino que hace el suyo… Y pues lamentablemente este camino no es el que yo sonaba. Pero he llegado a entender que el Nonno siempre estará con nosotros. Día a día, porque no solo lo llevamos muy dentro de nuestro corazón, sino que el formo parte de lo que somos. Nos ayudo a ser parte de lo que somos con sus palabras, sus acciones y sus consejos. Como papa, fue único e inigualable. Tú sabes mejor que yo que fue un excelente padre. Como esposo no hubo mujer tan Feliz como la Nona, y aun cuando ella no estuvo, fue el mejor esposo del mundo. La mantuvo viva aun cuando no estaba allí. Hablaba de ella y se podía sentir que aun después de tantos anos, el amor que le tenía era eterno y genuino. Fue el único abuelo que jamás pude tener…. El único que la vida me regalo. Y como tal fue increíble. No creo que haya palabras para describir lo que mi abuelo represento para mí. Fue el Nonno. Una persona fuerte y orgullosa, y al mismo tiempo tierna y sensible. Con un corazón de oro, y una influencia en mi vida impresionante. Nunca lo olvidare. No olvidare sus palabras, ni sus dichos, ni sus risas, ni sus momentos de bravura. No lo olvidare, y se que tu tampoco. En este día de tanta tristeza papi, recordémoslo con la mayor alegría, porque se que el esta en un mejor lugar, junto con la Nona Maria… Y pues seamos fuertes en no llorarlo como lo hemos hecho tantas veces durante el ultimo ano. Porque a el no le hubiera gustado. Recordémoslo con esa alegría que llevaba y esa fortaleza de vivir la vida. Con esas ganas de seguir adelante aun cuando el mundo se ponía en su contra. Recordémoslo siempre para mantenerlo vivo cada día. Si la vida me deja algún día ser mitad de el hijo que tú fuiste y eres, o mitad de el padre que fue el Nonno…. Le estaré siempre agradecida, porque personas como el y como tu, no se encuentran en cada esquina. Este email es para ti papa. Porque se que lo recuerdas muchísimo mas que yo, y si para mi ha sido durísimo perder al Nonno, no quiero imaginar lo que ha sido para ti perderlo. TE amo papi. Ayer, Hoy y SIEMPRE. El Nonno estaría muy orgulloso de ti. Siempre lo estuvo. Y así igual lo estamos todos. Por el Nonno papa…. Para que su memoria se mantenga siempre con nosotros. Recordémosle todos los días más y más. Con muchísimo cariño, y recordando al Nonno todos los días,

Melanie

Esta es una de mis fotos preferidas de tu y el Nonno… te la mando porque aunque se que la tienes, para que la veas en este día, y lo recuerdes así… con el vaso levantado. Siempre brindando por una cosa u otra. Cuanta falta me hace su compañía…. Besos papa… te amo!

Aquí te mando también algo que escribí en mi diario el ano pasado después de la muerte del Nonno.. no es mucho, y el ano pasado no me atreví a mostrártelo.. pero te lo mando este ano… porque se que entiendes de mejor manera que yo lo que sentí ese día, y lo que aun siento….

October 8th, 2005

So,
It has been quite some time since I last posted.... but too many things have happened. I guess I should start by saying the most important yet saddest news I’ve received lately, which is that my grandpa died last week. Many of you might see it as not a big deal... and the rest must feel very sorry for my dad.... I guess everybody thinks grandpas are supposed to die or at least deep down know they will before the rest of the family, because they are old... but I must disagree. Or at least in my case. First I must say that my grandpa was different from the rest of the grandpas.... he was stronger, healthier, wittier, smarter, funnier and just overall better. I remember he always said that he was still young.... because his heart was young. He was always joking around like he was 15.. I don't think most people understand how much he meant to me.... because grandpas are just grandpas for most people.... but for me, he was the only one. I guess the fact that he was the only grandpa I had and the only one I ever meet made him yet more special.... but he developed a relationship with that I will never forget and certainly miss. I know that we all have to move on in life and that the cycle of life requires that some die, some live and some are born... yet death is so hard to deal with. I will miss my grandpa everyday of my life. And I can't help it but cry thinking that he won't be here anymore. I know that if you didn’t meet him you wouldn't understand his jokes.... or remember his sarcastic funny comments or his cute laugh.... or the way he sang on the phone in French and Italian. I guess some people are not even as lucky as me as to have a grandpa. But I feel like the unluckiest person for loosing him. I can't help wondering if he can see me now.... I wish I could just have said goodbye or just hug him one last time. Just one more hug. I can replay his laugh in my head... and hear his jokes... but I definitely need a hug from him so bad. I can remember the last day I saw him. He was all dressed up in that matching shirt and pant he always wore... the kaki one... I dunno where he got it.... but he had it for a long time.... he looked so cute on it. And he would put a lot of perfume on. That cologne he liked... from old spice. It was his smell.... Everything that was his smelled like it..... We went to dinner at El Barquero, his favorite restaurant.... We know the owner and he went there so much all the waiters knew him already. He ate the same dish every time. crema de langosta, croquetas de cangrejo and we would all share arroz a la marinera o paella. Oh and don't forget the cazabe con ajo..... A meal is not a meal for grandpa without bread. We went there the first day I went to Venezuela this summer for lunch and my last day as a goodbye dinner. I took my friend Melanie with me. He talked Italian with us at dinner cause I asked him to.... I loved it when he spoke Italian.... he got mad at me because I didn't understand half of the Divine Comedy of Dante aligeri that he was reciting to me. But yet our goodbye was warm as always... a Big hug, lots of I love you... and that promise of seeing us soon. One that will never be satisfied.... or at least not in this life. He waved at me from the car... I left to go to my bye bye party with my friends.... he told me we would see each other in Miami.... I wanted him to be here for my birthday, but I never got the chance to tell him.. My dad agreed it was a good idea.... anyway he wanted to come and he always spent Christmas with us. It just won't be the same without him. Not my birthday not Christmas.
I’m sorry for talking so much about him... but if I’m completely honest with you... I wish I could talk about him everyday.... every second... I guess is stupid because it makes me cry.... but I don't want to let go.... I just wish it was all a bad dream, and that I would wake up tomorrow to see him having orange and coffee as early as five in the table... and go get bread to give to the ducks right by the lake in our house here in Miami... Count them all and say that they would probably die eaten by alligators.... so we better feed them so they grow faster and stronger. And have him ask me to go with him to Publix and Barnes and nobles. what book I was reading, see if he could read it too. I remember when last year he bought the lord of the rings to read it.... and even though he didn’t like that type of reading tried to read it because I liked it. And he read that other long Saga I was reading by Jean M. Auel too.... About the prehistoric girl that survives in a clan of "others"... I remember he said I was like the girl.... Ayla... he would call me that when he was reading the book.... he said the only difference between us was that she had blond hair and light eyes.... I guess I can't help remembering all the things he told me because I wish I could hear them again. I’m afraid of moving on for fear of forgetting him. I know he said that a person only dies when you stop remembering them.... but I just don't want him to be dead at all.... I don't want to remember but rather be with him. If only I could have said how much I loved him. I guess after all, he did know how much I loved him.... and I guess that he did die happy at the end. I know he is happier know than he was before. He is finally with my grandma. I never meet her but heard lots of her from my grandpa. He always talked about her because he never stopped remembering her. But he hated anything that reminded of her because it was just not the same without her. He said she would have loved me because I have her personality. She used to love Disney as much as I do. He always said he would have wanted her to live more.... to meet me and Michael... I never really understood how much he wanted her to be here.... but I do now because that’s how I feel about him. Going to la colonia Tovar won't be the same.... the ducks in the summer won’t be the same.... so many things won’t be the same without him. But I am ok after all, I am strong and I know I will get trough this one. I will keep him close to my heart everyday for the rest of my life... not only because he always said that that was the only way to keep someone alive.... but also because he takes with him a part of me.... because he taught me so much as a grandpa, and he gave me something nobody else ever did. He was like a second dad to me. He was more than a grandpa for me... He gave an example of love... a role model as a father, husband and friend. a hard worker, loving, high spirited person.... and all that after being in a war... I will never forget his war stories... and his passion for movies.... his great movie collection and love for Shirley Temple and cowboy movies. I guess he leaves behind a trail of memories that nobody can take form me... and in those I will hang on until the day that I die.... Because those are the only thing I have left to see of him till I see him again in the next life. I don’t think my brother was right when he said my tears where hypocrites.... because I do not cry him now and didn’t enjoy him when he was alive. I did enjoy him when he was alive.... I talked to him, I listen... I heard and learned.... and I memorized.... and I cry because those are things that I will miss.... I’m sure there was more to be talked, listened and learned with grandpa.... and I can't wait for our next meeting for breakfast, talk, walk or whatever it is that we will do when we meet again. I guess this entry is getting long.... but the least I can do after he is gone is remember him... and even though tears roll down my cheeks... I have a smile on my face.... because I’m grateful that I met him. That I got to know him for almost 20 years.... and I thank God that he gave me that chance... and he gave me the chance of sharing and showing him that I cared. And I know that wherever he is... right now he knows that I still love him. he knows that I always will.... and I might never get that hug I want so bad from him.... but I’ll wait patiently till we meet again.... and we'll hug and tell each other how everything is going like we did before.... and maybe then we will feed the ducks again or go in search for yet another book to read.... until then.... I only have left to say that I will miss you Nonno... I really will.... and I post this entry for you... as a kind of remembrance and a goodbye... but just for a while.... for I will keep remembering.... and carry you deep inside very close to my heart.... just like you did with grandma for so long. I love you.... and I always will.
for all the rest of you... who've read this far.... I thank you.... for it takes a lot to read my stuff.... and if you want a piece of advice.... love your grandparents.... and enjoy every single second you have with them... they might be old.... they might be grumpy and have weird habits sometimes.... but they are people from which you can learn like no other.... and they are as wise as can be. They will not last forever in this earth.... and you'll miss them when they are gone.... I hope to you get to meet my grandpa someday in another life.... he was a great man. One worth crying for.
MeMe

Esta es otra de mis fotos preferidas con el Nonno… ojala hubiera venido una vez mas a casa aquí en Miami…. Papi… he decidido tomar las clases de Italiano… aunque se que son 200 dólares, y me toca pagarlos a mi. Desde el día que murió el Nonno, prometí aprender Italiano. Para no dejar que me pasara lo mismo contigo. Para poder hablarlo contigo antes de que ya no estés tu o ya no este yo. Porque fue una estupidez no haberlo hecho con el Nonno. Y pues aun cuando es muy cara la clase de cocina, es algo que quiero hacer…. Que me recuerda al Nonno. No hay mayor privilegio que hacerla contigo. Se que no quieres gastar la plata… pero si yo pago la tuya y la mía, lo harías conmigo!? Te quiero papa. Regresa pronto…

To all you that have read this far... Thank you. I know it was a long entry... but like I've said before... I wish I could talk about my grandfather always... There are not enough words to talk about him and to say how much he ment to me, how I feel about him and how much i love him and miss him. So the few I;ve written will have to do for now... I love you grandpa... I always did and always will... Until we meet again,

Melanie

Mission Accomplished

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 00:07:06 GMT

So today, even though I did not get EVERYTHING I needed to get done actually done, I still got a lot done. I feel accomplisehd and proud of myself. I studied, succesfully took my finance test, did my homework, and ate healthy for a change, even though at School.
    I had a very productive day yesterday as I finished classes and met up with Frantz to study for Finance. It was the best study meeting I've had since highschool. It was fun, I understood the material and I got my studying done. Definitly found someone I can study with. Then it was off to my house to finish my Italian homework. And today i went to my Italian class, then Meet with Frantz again to study some more, then say jhonny for the marketing assosiation thing, went with frantz to take the finance test, then to coco's house to do marketing homework and then to my marketing class. I just got home and receive the wallstreet journal, which I'll try and read tonigh. I talked to Nina and Alex yesterday, and I am pretty happy with myself and most of my surroundings. Tomorrow is off to work and then studying, and thursday hopefully after school I'll get to see my venezuelan neighbours that are in town or go drink some coffe and chat with Nina. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I'm not feeling too well physically, but I'll keep going. This week's goal of being responsible and doing my homework on time has been accomplished (even though the week is technically not even half way gone but for me... school's week is one more day.). Next weeks goal -----> combine productivity with excersice workouts at the gymm at least 2 days of the week, and attend the marketing association meeting. Wish me luck... it's going to take a whole bunch of organization to pull that one off!.
     Feeling acomplished,
                             Mems

pd: may I just say as my last comment that I have also managed to keep well under 600 minutes in my new Tmobile contract (which according to my dad I would NEVER be able to keep). I have 400 minutes left and only 9 days to go!... Mind you, I used to talk an average of 3,527 minutes a month on my previously UNLIMITED MetroPCS, for those who might underestimate the importance of this issue for me...... congratulations to me.... now if you'll excuse me... I'm off to being a grown up!. =)
pd2: more to come.... Jose will be here in - 2 weeks!! can' wait. and Halloween Horror Nights is ALMOST completely planned.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 14:37:15 GMT

So I'm debating whether I should post or not. I dunno why... but it seems like I only post when I'm down. ugh. I hate it... but it's just that it makes me feel better when I let it out. And since there's no one to talk to anyways, then writting is the one way out. So yeah... i guess you noticed I said there's no one to talk to. Well, there isn't. Jose is having the time of his life in his SEA semester thing, and barely has time to talk. Plus I feel like I should let him have his fun and not bother him with my crap. My friends... well... I dunno. Some days they are like super attentive and call me like a billion times to know how I am doing and all that, and then they don't call me at all. So yeah. Maybe it's my fault I don't call either... but I don't want to be needy either. After all, I always feel like I'm forcing half of them to hang out with me. So yeah... and then well, Stupid Tmobile doesn't have unlimited minutes, so I haven't been able to talk to paty, and then Nico is also having fun up in New York so I haven't talked to him much either. Not that I have a lot of free time anyways... since I'm always running from one place to the other doing stuff. But see... this whole thing happens in days like today or yesterday. Yesterday I did ABSOLUTELY nothing. I hanged out with my parents and then went to bed at 10! 10pm!! on a saturday night. Say whatever... but that's just lame. My phone didn't ring all day. Not even once. and the only time it rang it was Jose telling me that he was at a beach house with some friends in plymouth or whatever it is, and that they where going to spend the night there, that he left his charger at home, and that therefore his phone had no battery so he had to call me form one of his friends phone. So yeah. no phone talking yesterday. and today... well I just woke up and my parents are not here. they left. probably to the beach. so im all bored. and yes, i do have a billion homeworks to do, but no, i don't feel like doing them. and then would anybody mind explaining why i get mad at the fact that my brother goes out and doenst invite me. I mean! seriously! even if he did invite me, I wouldn't even go. but it still hurts me that he doesn't even like invite me. Even if it was just out of being polite. and then I invite him everywhere anyways... ugh. i guess once again i bring it upon myself.
    So yeah. on happier notes... we are going to orlando once again. right now, i don't find it THAT exiting... but I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and I know its very exiting. We get to once again go to halloween horror nights, and then chill the next day in orlando. I'll probably go on the sling shot thing with Mauri or someone else, cause jose doesn't like it... but I really want to do it. And we probably get to go to downtown disney, which is always a personal favorite... so that would be great. Also, I think we are paying a little more for the hotel this time around, so we get to stay in a suite that is pretty nice (if we end up going to that one hotel) and it's huge plus we all get to all stay in the same room. We'll have to see though how many of us are there, to see if we fit. but hopefully it will definitly be better than that hotel we stayed at last time. so that should be fun. Jose will come with us, so that is pretty cool too. he comes back on the 5th, and we'll be leaving on the 6th until the 8th. He'll be leaving again on the 12th, so the little trip shall be fun. The only downside is Jessi won't be comming, but maybe next year we can have her come.... On other things, well I'm glad at leats I have jessi to count on these days, even though she's far away and we only get in touch by mail.... But she's truly been a big help. Jess, I know you are reading this, so thanks a lot. Ypu've truly been a lot of help, and I can;t thank you enough.
School is very hectic these days, I barely have enough time to breath but hey... better this way right!? I just wish days went by faster... they seem to be slowing down more and more. Specialy on the weekends... but oh well!, I'll just keep trying to get trough the boring times, and enjoy the good ones. Next week it's nina's birthday and Michael's birthday too, so hopefully I'll get to do more stuff, and then just one more weekend, and Jose gets back, so basically 2 more weekends to survive. and when he's gone again... well, I'm hoping on taking some italian cooking classes on saturdays, so that will help a lot. When Jose is gone on the 12th, we won't get to talk at all for month and a half. so that will be a little tougher than it is now. But maybe... just maybe, after he gets back, we'll be able to meet up in St Croix in the Virgin Islands for Thanksgiving with his parents. Is not been decided yet, and I'm not sure if I'll go, but maybe. I just dunno. I just don't know if me going alone with his parents to st croix to meet up with him on thanksgiving is a good idea. but we'll see. It's still kind of far away, so I'm not worrying about it now.
    I've also made some recent changes in my life. I've decided to pursue a double major in school.... so i'll be graduating one semester after I planned, but with a bachelor's in Marketing and Inter. Business. So that's that. And I will also try and move to Rome, Italy for a year after graduation. So keep me in your prayers for the best is yet to come. I am really exited about that, even though it will mean being away for jose again, and THAT, i don't like at all, but I really want to do it. I am learning and loving everything about Italian and Italy everyday more and more, so I would love to be there for a full year. But once again, it's kind of far away, so we'll see how it goes. For now, my focus is in getting trough this semester with good grades and hopefully a happier attitude, and trying to save enough money to see if I'll go to Italy for summer or buy a stupid laptop. So yeah. That's waht's going on these days. Hopefully, I'll get to update somenthing happier soon.. Thanks for reading my stuff, and try and comment for a change! =O lol. bye
           Mems

blah

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 18:36:08 GMT

I am so frustrated, it is impossible for me to put in in words. So basically, no matter what I do, or how I do it, I am always wrong, and always bad. Not one time will I be able to please anyone around me. Why? because that's the way my life is. My parents either completely hate me, or just hate me. There is no other way. And every single one of the people I know has a grudge or somenthing against me. Sorry... But I can't take ot anymore. I can;t stand the pressure of just not being enough. I am tired of just trying hard and never being enough. No matte how hard or how much I do or work for somenthing, is just never EVER enough. And I can't take ot anymore. I simply can't take it. I guess I just have to learn how to deal with it. But If anyone that reads this knows or has a guide book on how to deal with being a piece of crap, please let me know. Please. What's my solution!? I dunno. I can't try harder because it apparently doesn't work, and just letting go is not possible either because I can't let go. I am always the black sheep of the family, I am always wrong in whatever I do. I always need more patience, more strengh, more knowledge, more punctuality, more stuff that I don't have. I am never enough. I am tired of not making the cut. blah. this just sucks.

So sad.... Miss you already Steph.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 01:21:46 GMT

Today is one of those day where i wish i could just skip. Skip the whole day and just wake up a month ahead and forget today ever happened. So for those of you that went to the disney collegue program, you know how special each and everyone of the people you meet there were. And your roomates, no matter what they did, or who they where, where they came from or what they beleived.... where simply the best. If you've EVER had a roomate, regardless of in disney or elsewhere, you know what a warm feeling thinking about the times you shared always bring.
Yet today I receive 2 calls from 2 of my roomates from Disney. I was at work so I couldn't answer, and when the first call came in, I was happy to think that once I got out of work I would listen to Karieanna's typical cheerful and happy message on my voice mail. But when I receive a call from Nicole nearly 3 minutes afterwards, I knew somenthing was wrong. Not that it's a bad thing to receive 2 continuous calls from two people you really care about, but because it didn't seem like a coincidence that after all the time we haven't talked, they would call not only on the same day, but almost at the same time. So I logged online and went to myspace, and read one of my other's roomates blog, where I realized somenthing terrible was going on. Stephanie Trotter had died. I asked for permission at work and went outside to take a walk and let it sink in. I could not beleive this was happening. It just can;t be true. I then listened to the voice mails Nicole and Karieanna had left me and realized on their shaky voices that it was true. She is gone. I called them back and couldn't help but realize that this was not a bad dream, It is life. It's what happens. BUt why!? why stephanie? what did she do to deserve this? why did it happen like that!? I don't think there are any words to fill the empty spaces. I don't think I'll ever stop missing steph or any other loved ones I have lost or will loose in the future. But I can;'t help and remember that almost 2 years ago, on my first day on the disney college program, I met 4 wounderful girls from Chicago. Craking jokes, and warm hugs was what they offered me. They took me in like I had knowned them for ever. They asked me to be their roomate and I soon found myself surrounded by the wounderful stories of their long drive to Florida, their shared love for the Mouse that started it all, how they had met, when they had arrived, why where they here, where they where working. I remember it like it was yesterday when we first went to the appartment and steph caught it all on tape. The running trough the hallways to look for the right door, the apartment itself. The rooms, the kitchen, she even videotaped my parents and cousins that where there with me even though they didn't know her, and hardly spoke english.... After all that exitment, it was just the beginning of many memories to follow. 3 more wounderful roomates followed, and I meet Nicole, Kari and Lauren. All different and friends for life. We had our first dinner as roomates that night. Pizza, and we had a toast in champaigne plastic cups with coke. and it all started from there. I spent 4 spectacular months enjoying with all this roomates that gave me the feeling that I had been searching since I moved to the states.... the feeling of being home. We went to the parks, saw fireworks, talked about our different jobs at disney and shared movies and food. Stephanie's parents send us goodies to decorate and eat for halloween, thanksgiving and xmas. All to make us feel more at home. And we did. It was great. It was home. Now today, I am forced to say goodbye, to a girl that if you met her, she would melt your troubles away with a smile. She would give warm hugs and always look at the bright side of things. She was there when we all needed her. She made my birthday be special. She gave me a letter that even though had only two lines.... made me feel like I was top of the world. So for that I will be forever grateful. I will never forget her good sense of humor and love for life. Her inmense care for all of us her roomates and her love for disney. I could go on and on sharing all the memories I shared with her. But even that would not make justice to who she was and what she made you feel like. Today we all cry on our different houses. We all grieve for the loss of someone so dear to us, and even though far, I hope we can see each other soon. Getting together with all our roomates will never be the same. But I know Steph will be with us even thoguh not in a physical way. Steph, we all love you. We will miss you everyday more until we meet again. I pray today for your family, for you and for each and everyone of our roomates... so that we will be strong and get trough this remembering how happy you always made us and caring you always close to our hearts. We'll miss you... Thank you for being such a wounderful roomate. I will never forget your smile and the day I met you. I only regret not sharing even more with you. To my other roomates, all I have to say is that no matter where the road takes us from here on, I will always love you guys and remember all the beautiful times we shared in Disney. I hope we keep in touch more and that we get to see each other soon. All I have left to say is goodbye Steph. Thanks for the wounderful memories you gave me, and all the other people you made happy. I will always remember my roomates from disney. no matter where I am or who I become.
With a shunkren heart. I leave now. RIP Steph.

Summer days...

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 14:13:27 GMT

So,
   Summer has been kind of slow! to tell you the truth... I haven;t done much... or maybe I should say I haven't done much of what I actually wanted to do in summer! but I have done lots of stuff. so after coming back from Colombia, my cousin Juan Pablo came for a week... that was kind of fun! we went (once again) to Disney World, which is always a good thing, so I had a great time... I haven't been to Disney with my parents since 2004, so it was great! my mom was like a little kid saying she wanted to go to MK all the time! it was hilarious!. After Disney it's been slow but nice. I've sleept more in these past few weeks that I have done in years I think. And hanging out has been kind of iffy but ok. I have watched a bunch of movies, including Superman and Pirates of the Caribbean, dead man chest, which i must say where both not as good as I expected them to be, but still fun. I got to see pretty much all of my friends last weekend (except Nina and Alex) and we got together for some board game fun.... but just for experience... don't even play a game called Tribond... it's kind of not that much fun! as usual UNO saved the day, and we had still a good time sharing and kidding around. On friday I went with Jose to the movies (pirattes) and we also had dinner at Las Vegas Cuban Cuisine! it was good food! we had a bistec empanisado, and mariquitas and rice which was awesome!!! then on sunday i stayed home, and monday was..... MY ONE YEAR AND A HALF ANNIVERSARY WITH JOSE!!! it was great! we spent the afternoon together, went to Dadeland mall, and ate at cheesecake factory! the food was great, and we had an awesome time!!! I'll leave now with some pictures, hehhehehe...
    Oh yeah... some stuff to come.... Ice skating!!! we are going (hopefully) this weekend!, IMAX (sometime this summer) Bongos! (to celebrate FINALLY Alex's 21st bday!), and Miami Seacquarium, Miami Metro Zoo, and maybe... just maybe... Orlando! *yes... again! we'll see how it goes... and today I'm meeting up with NIna at FIU!!! I'm soo exited! Fall is going to be great!. Nina is coming to FIU, and so is Coco, plus all my friends from before, and Mario and Maurizio! plus Mari will hopefully be back and Vanesa is coming to visit in August!!! only bad thing of Fall is Jose won't be here... but he's coming down in between the program and going on the boat! =) so that will be cool!... alright... My update was kind of pointless... but i"ll be back later! love ya all, and hope to hear from you soon! xoxoxoxo


That was when Italy became WORLD CHAMPION!!!! oooh yeah!!! it was a fun day!! good times...


Jose and I in the Jetta before going to Dadeland Mall!!

     With the fountain at Dadeland Mall! after dinner!

     Before leaving!!! =) happy day!

Back in Business!

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 18:59:30 GMT

So,
    I've been gone for a while, I know... but honestly I haven't felt like updating lately... anyways, that's besides the point! Point is I am back! So... Colombia was a complete sucksess... I LOVED IT! Spending time with my family was absolutly the best way to spend half of my summer, and I could not be happier. I meet my cousin's baby Mariana, who is simply adorable, and I also hangged out with my cousins Juan Pablo, Andreita, Marcela, Ivan and Pipe, as well as my uncle's and aunts. It was unbeleivable not only for the fact that I got to share a lot of stuff with them, but also because it gave me a great opportunity to get to know many things of my family i did not know. So it was great!. I visited many pretty and interesting places, and ate the most amazing food ever. Seriously. If you ever want to eat good home made food, go to Bogota, Colombia. It is THE best!. But anyways... I will not talk about my trip much... all you guys have to know is that it was an awesome trip, and that It made me grow a lot in many ways because of what I learned and shared with my family. The only regret I have is not being able to stay more time, and that Jose would have come along. I would have loved for him to meet my family, but i'm sure we;ll get that chance later on in the future. And I do feel sad that i live so far away from my family, because I would love to be able to see them every weekend, or just call up my cousins and invite them to the movies and stuff. But I won't complain. If this is how God made it be, there must be a reason for it, so let's just enjoy what we get and not complain for that stuff we don't get.
    So, I've been back a week, but haven't gotten many breaks.... I got bacxk on tuesday and spent from that day til saturday going out with Jose, since we hadn't really seen much of each other for month and a half. On friday Jose's sister got to Florida with her 6 month old baby, so on saturday we went to the movies with her and her husband Leo, and then sunday we had a great Paella at Jose's house, courtesy of Jose's dad and played with the baby while watching the soccer game! World cup has been awesome by the way.... FORZAA ITALIA!!! so anyways... we also played with the baby, which I must say was amazing as well! Jose does a great job as an uncle playing with him. It's so cool watching him play with the baby!. and well, the baby is awesome himself anyways! He is learning to say hello with his hand, so everytime you wave at him he raises his hand to say hello and then laughs! he's adorable. I'll try and take pictures if I see him again before they leave. they are moving down to Florida I think, so that will be cool, cause we'll get to see more of the baby, and more of Mariana as well.
Ok, and then on monday my cousin from Colombia, Juan Pablo arrived. He is spending a week here so that is awesome. On tuesday it was Alex
s Bday so we went to Bonefish grill for dinner and had a good time, and yesterday we went to aventura to watch cars! it was so cool movie... i loved it! it's funny! and the Italian cars in the movie are hilarious!!! GUIDO!!! lol... go watch it... you'll see... I am loving being Italian this days.... Italy is doing good in the world cup (lets see how long they keep it up...), the italian language is amazing, and the italian cars in the movie where so cool! FERRARI! and italian food... OMG! i think I'm going to try and go to Italy next year... for real. I already started saving!. I am just so proud of the Italian culture. anyways.... so that was yesterday, and today I stayed home to do homework because im going to disney tomorrow... and guess what!? I didn't do any!!! yeap.... but i had to do a couple of emails and that sort of stuff so I did and didn't read for school... sucks cause on monday I'm going to go nuts, but whatever.... I needed to writte to some people... I just needed to do it. Like I said, Colombia taught me a lot, and if there's one thing I learned there is that distance can only be a limitation for a relationship, if you let it be. no matter what kind of relationship it is. and keeping feelings for people to yourself will be somenthing you will regret in the future. Seriously. I dunno how many friends I have far away that I haven't heard of in ages.... but it's all my fault... because waiting for them to have a free time to writte will only prove in distancing myself until when it's too late!.... while writting even a 3 line email saying you miss them will let them know you are there.... even though you are far away. Don't you think of them anyways? what good does it do to miss them on your own? why not tell them how you feel? well, so I am glad i didn't study and took the time to writte emails and send stuff to my friends.
   Ok, so now I gotta go.... I'll try and post some pictures soon of all that's gone on this summer so far... kind of a update but with pictures.... oh! I forgot.... I didn't talk about Jose's graduation! but it happened, it was great!, and I got him a digital camera so he can take pictures when he leaves on the boat! and well, It was a nice ceremony, and we had a good time at the palm restaurant where we had dinner! just friends... nice dinner... Migs, Mauri, Jose and I! well, and Alvarito and Jose's family and all... but it was a really nice time! I just wish Alex and Jessi would have been there... Anyways.. oh! and we also went to Kyra Guadalupe's first communion (she is jose's cousin) it was really nice... and then to dinner at CPK with the gang! so it was nice stuff before I left!. got to hang out all together before we all did our summer plans, and now we have to wait till august comes around so we can hang out again!. I'll post pictures... gotta go or i'll be late for school! later kids!! love ya all, and wish me good luck at disney world!!! OH!, and HAPPY 4th of July!!!
            bye!
                           Mel!

So MuCh to do, So LitTtle TiMe!

Mon, 08 May 2006 01:38:46 GMT

Ok,
   so my life has been hectic the past few weeks, but I can't complain!!! It's been 3 hell of fun weeks!!! So between visitors, finals, and beginning of vacations, I really do know where to begin!... Well... Must I first say that in about 8 days from now, I will be officially in BoGoTa!!! How cool is that!?!!?!?! I don't think people really understand how much going to Colombia means to me... Honestly... have you ever been 6 years without seing your family!? maybe.... so at least you understand that part! but hey!... what about going to a place you enjoy and where memories just speak for themselves!? Well... Colombia is that place for me! and I get to go once again with my family, and spend a good month and a half revisiting old things and seing new ones! and get ready!!! bunch of pictures comming your way... I just officially was given a digital camera!! yes!!!! It's my dad's old one, but it workd perfectly and take's great pictures!! so I'm pretty happy!!!
    So let's see.... last week not only did I have lots of fun, but guess what!?! I WENT TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!! yes, I did!!! It was not as cool as i though it would be, but not because of what you think..... but because I really wanted Jose and Mauri to come.... and they didn't! So that kind of sucked. Jose had stuff due in school so he couldn't make it... and well, Mauri never called so I just assumed he couldn't or just didn't want to... so that kind of sucked.... Alex and MIgs had told me way before they where not comming, which actually sucked as well, but hey!, at least I knew since the beginning they where not comming.... so anyways.... focusing on the great part!... Nina and I decided to go anyways, regardless of nobody else joining us, and had a great girls-day-out at disney!!! It was really cool! We left Nina's house at 6 am, and where at Animal Kingdom at 1015! We went straight to Expedition Everest... which let me tell you is about the coolest ride EVER!!! and then after that straight to MK! Awesome time going around my old working place!!! itr was so cool and yet so sad to think that only a year and some months ago I was working in this magical place, surrounded with lots of wounderful people..... to be completely honest.... I miss it! I miss working in disney, and I miss all the people there! so sad I haven't seen them! But hey! at least I got to see John Raizor and Melanie Riffle! They where both working at the park when I went, and I saw them both!!! so that was cool!!! John was really nice and gave us free passes for Space Mountain to go on the fastpass 5 times!!! and then when we came out he gave us a coupon to get priority entrance to an traction of our choice (we used it at splash!) and then also to get 2 free ice creams! (we got mickey ice creams of course!) and so we used that and went to mickey's phillarmagic!! (coolest 3-D Show ever!) and then we where off in the Monorail to Epcot!!! It was beautiful!!! they had the Flower and Garden festival, and even though I must say It was all romantic, I must say It was beautiful!!!! they had the characters in flowers and it was just awesome!!! we actually chilled at Epcot and grabbed a bite at Morroco! must I say the guys there are hot man!!! (Jose.... no worries... you are still hotter than hotter than them!!! but still!!!) so the guy giving us the food gave me a free refill! (yeah dude!!! that is cool!.... Each stupid coke is like 2.95!!! so I saved 2.95 on buying more coke!!!) and then he also gave us free pita bread to eat our humus!!! and he offered to give us more food.... but we where too full!... lol and then we stayed there for a while, and these other guy that worked there, he started talkingt to us, and even gave Nina his phone number to call him if we where ever in Orlando to hang out with him and stuff!!! it was fun! and then we finally went to Soaring, which was cool! you really do feel like you are flying!!! and it even smells like the woods and stuff!!! Awesome! and well we finally then left!! =( But I was so happY! It was a great day!!!! lots of pictures, many cool memories to remember and new ones to never forget!!! and above all.... the day spent at the most magical place on earth!!!
    So after that I've been bussy helping my mom in the house, dog sitting my neighbour's dog, trying to see Jose as much as posible, finding a dress for graduation, present for Jose for graduation, presents for all my family in Colombia, and last but not least getting ready to finally leave on sunday!!! So most of these things I've finally taken care off.... Mom's lunch thing was perfect and I helped a lot, I bought my dress today!!! it's really pretty, but I'm not saying how it is... it's a surprise! graduation is on friday!!! so i'll post pictures of it before leaving to colombia!!! and then I am almost done with the presents for my family... still missing Jose's graduation present and Kyra's first communion present... but I'll hopefully get those before it's too late! lol... and then I have also been lucky to see my school friends..... on friday I went to Vane's house for her bday with Jose, and It was Great!!! I had a lot of fun talking to Karina, Ale, Vane and all the guys!, and then yesterday I got to watch RV at the movies (mission impossible was literally mission imposible to go watch!) with Pocho and Nany, and agreed to see them again before I leave, so hopefully I will before friday!... today was shopping day all day, and then tomorrow I get to go meet Jose's nephew!!! I am so exited!!! His mom is doing a brunch tomorrow at his ft. Lauderdale house, so Jose is picking me up around 11 and we're spending the day with the baby and his family and friends.... sound like a lot of fun!!! then tuesday I work and probably go to the movies afterwards... then on wenesday I have to finish shopping and stuff... thursday I work... and probably movies after that with the people of FIU.... then friday Jose's graduation, and Saturday Kyra's first communion... sunday to Colombia!!!! I am so exited!!! this week is going to FLY by!!! but that's ok!!! it will be great!!! I can't wait!!! hopefully I'll update before leaving to Colombia.... but I'll leave you with 3 pictures.... In remembrance for Disney's old days..... one with John, one with Melanie.... and one with no one else but Goofy himself..... friends of the mouse that started it all.... MICKEY MOUSE!!! (I didn't see mickey this time... so Goofy will have to do!) Love ya all... best of luck in everything you are currently doing!... keep it clean and safe.... and remember to smile!, because fisrst you never know who will fall in love with your smile, second of all, life is too short to be mad!, third, it could always be much worse.... and last but not least.... that's the way disney does it!!!! so have a MAGICAL day and enjoy the wounders life has to offer!!!! see ya!!!
                                 Meme

YEiiii!

Mon, 01 May 2006 12:52:34 GMT

So here I am again!!
   Finals are FINALLY over!!! I finished successfully (i think) on saturday morning my last final!!! yes... saturday morning! Unbeleivable, but whatever... it's OVER! Semester is done!!1 I am so happy for this semester has been a good one... to be honest.... this year has been a good one!!! so far so good! like all things, it's had it's not so good moments but overall it's been great! and just about to get better!!! So After finals I had a BBQ at my house saturday which ended up being awesome!!! Punta, Chorizo y Morcilla!!! ufff!!! great stuff!!! my salad came out to be great! (thank's to Jose's mom recipy!) and there was almost no food left!!! It was awesome! my friends in school where almost all here which was very very cool for me! I was really happy, and honestly had a blast! I am soooo looking forward to keeping hanging out with this people!!! After the BBQ, MIgs, Mauri and Jose stayed helping out to clean, and then I assume they eventually left.... I'm really not sure I kind of fell asleep and when I woke up Jose was the only one there! lol.... sorry guys!!! well... after that yesterday was chilling day I went to the mall with alex in the afternoon, and then went to Jose's house where i got a present from his grandma! it's really cute!!! its like this little dog really cute!! its made in venezuela from like artisans and stuff in wood!! very nice! we then went to church and later back to the house and hangged out withy his family! It was really cool! his aunt and uncle where there too!, and the grandparents and parents too! it was nice!!! i hadn't seen then in a while!!! So now vacations have started, and I am off to colombia in exactly 13 days!!! I am so exited!!! Nico is leaving today, so We'll meet down there (hopefully!! because we never do!) and Nina will be joining me a few days afterward!!! soo cool! From here to the Colombia trip, I have still lots of good plans to do! I am sleeping over at Nina's house for a couple of days, and even though i am not exactly sure what we'll be doing, I am sure it will be a blast! I also have a reunion at Jose's house on monday next week to meet the baby! (jose's big sister's baby!) and then how could I forget Jose's graduation next friday! for which I have to go dress shopping!!!! woohooo! I am so exited too! I have to get him a present too!! any ideas!??! oh well! I'll figure it out! and I am also playing tennis with my friends!!! which will be awesome too! Tomorrow jose wants to play tennis so Im sure we'll tell mauri and migs to come along as well! Playing with Mauri last week was a blast as well!, so I hope we get to do it again!... and then we'll probably do our usual rutine of going to the movies and all that! I want to watch Lucky Number slevin, and The wild, and I think the hedge is comming out soon, and also that movie the clicker or whatever with adam sandler that i am dying to watch!!! well, gotta go!!! I am dog sitting for my neighbour for the next two days and I gotta go play with the dog a while before I go to work at 11! Thanks for reading people!!! hope to see you all soon! have a wounderful 2006!!!! yeii!
    Here's a picture of the babeque.... I kind of took it very late, so many people had left.... cheli and carlos didn't come out in the picture, and neither did alex and migs.... but well, is the one with "most" of us! Good times!!! bring it on 2006!!!

by the way.... you can barely see me in that pic!!! lol so here's one where you can see me better!!! I had a new cool shirt i bought that day!! i look weird though.... because the color is kind of not the typical one i use... don't you think!?

That is with Jose, Cheli and Carlos!!!! My shirt is cool!!! lol!! it has a litthe pink flamingo on the left hand side!!! lol!! see ya latter and have a Magical day!!! (disney people... you know what i mean!!!) love ya!
            Mems

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 00:44:58 GMT

Ok...
So here I will go again to do a quick update of what has been going on lately in my life last couple of weeks... So I finally worked my way into inviting Jose and my school friends to hang out and It was a success!! I loved it! and so did Jose! We went to have lunch in the China Buffet in Weston, and beleive it or not stayed 3 whole hours talking!!!! It was AWESOME!!! and then later on that day we even went to the movies with them!!! Oh I was so thrilled!!! and they even invited us to the beach next day!!! we couldn't go, but still!!! we got so exited!!! and now I am doing a BBQ next week at my house when school is finally over!!! Talking about school, well it's been great!!! i am expecting great grades in all my classes so I am really exited!! I got an A on Calculus, which is really awesome!! I only have finals to go, so we'll see how it goes... On other things well my neighbors came from venezuela this week so I got to see them on tuesday, we met at Dadeland Mall, It was awesome!! I hadn't seen them since last year, but I loove them, so I was really happy to see them!! They are getting sooo big!!! and their parents are awesome too, so I had a very rerfreshing afternoon at the Mall with them!! the rest of the week went down nicely... My plans for summer have been already determined ... so I will go to Colombia, Bogota for a month and a half... starting May 14th and finishing June 27th, but it is awesome not only because I get to see all my family down there, but guess what!?!/! NINA is coming with me!!! I am so exited!!! she is also moving down to Boca again, and maybe later on Weston, so she will be here in Fall which is going to help me a lot when Jose is gone!!! and well she is comming with me for two weeks to Colombia, which could not have made my trip any better.... Nico is going to be down there as well, I just don't trust we'll see each other because we always say we will and never do... but we'll see how it goes!... Then after that I will come back to Florida, and do Summer B at FIU, and then I am planning to go to NYC with Paty, my best friend from Venezuela.... but we'll see how that goes... I have always wanted to go on a trip with her, and the farthest we've done is Morrocoy... so maybe this year we'll get to do somenthing cooler... If we don't get to NY, she is definitly at least spending some days hera ta Miami at my place. And after that I will Hopefully get to go with Jose to Boston, or at least spend some time with him here in Florida, and celebrate his birthday before he goes on the boat!
Ok... so besides all that i got a very nice surprise on thursday... when Jose came to visit me!!.... so here's the deal.... long time ago we went to sunset place, and I saw this beautiful Winnie the Pooh that I wanted... a collectors limited edition whatever thing.... but it was 20 bucks so I had no money and didn;t get it... and then next time we went, they didn't have it anymore!!! so i kind of forgot about it but then on tuesday, when I went to meet my neighbours at Dadeland mall.... we where supposed to meet at the Disney store, and well there was the bear!!! and it was on sale! but well i didn't get it then and then I told jose about it, and he got it for me and brought it on thursday night before he went home because he was going to be away this weekend!!! so I was super exited!! because I was like about to go to the mall to buy it, and he had it in his truck!!! soooo cute!! anyways... I was so exited I took some self pictures with the bear ... I'll post some see what you guys think.... I'm putting them trough photobucket, but I am not very goopd at this, so please let me know if you can see them or not!... I have finals this week so I'll be a little disconnected, but I'll probably post after finals!!! love ya all!!! here are some pics!!!
My New Winnie the Pooh!

It's soo cute!!! it comes in a box and everything!!! and the box is like round in the inside and the background has Pooh's thinking spot!!! I don';t think you can see much in the pic... but here it is anyways
with the box closed...

now with it opened...

Now I hug it!!

Touching noses... awwwww (I am sooo stupid lol)

Ok... and here I am kissing my bear!!! I love Winnie the pooh!!!!

ok... so now I started to get really exited with the camera, and I took like a ballilion self pics.... here are some!!

This is a Picture of all the stuffed animals Jose has given me.... please notice 3 out of 4 are Pooh related! for those of you who don't know me... I loveee Pooh!!! The Heffalump, Roo, Pooh and Piglet (missing.... i don't have one of him!) ROCK!! oh well... alright! Tiger, Eeyore, and the other rock too! =P ok.... and the giraffe is the wannabe pooh stuffed animal.... jejeje, if there where to be a giraffe in the winnie the pooh cartoon... well this one would be it!!! it comes straight from Pittsburgh and its a fluzzy little fellow!!

And now.... with me!! (no more need for self pics mauri!!! like I told you.... you can set the time thingy!!)

Ok... and last one.... me hugging the stuffed animals Jose has given me... Love you Jose!!! you are the coolest boyfriend EVER!!! Thank you for all my stuffed animals!!!! They are The BOMB! lol
Ok.... so I have more... but I think it's getting annoying for you like 2 people (whoever you are) that read this thing.... so I will spare you the missery and not post anymore!!! but please let me know if you can't see them so I can fix it!!! They are cool pictures!!! lol... and now you know... I love Winnie the Pooh... and Jose too of course... lol Bueno... so anyways I hope everybody the best of the best, I gotta get out of here... tomorrow will be sunday already and so far I have not studied for my finals... so better go to bed now and wake up early tomorrow!! I'll update after finals!!! Hugs and Kisses to everyone!! byeeee
Mems (yes... mems, not MEME... Mems... thanks mauri!!! one of these days I am going to become... M... lol)